Let Spring do it's thing...

Yep, I can still hula hoop! =0)

Drake playing at the park...
Adree as a monkey...
Seth peeking out from the slide...

It sure has been nice to be enjoying some very lovely weather! This winter has been miserably cold and seriously damp forever it seems! I know my sister is reading this and lamenting over the piles of snow that no doubt still cover her lawn, but hey I live here for reason! The nice weather! Ha! =0) Okay, okay I'm not talking about the disgusting heat of the summer months and I can live with that...someone invented A/C for reason right? =0) I'm talking about the most enjoyable spring and fall months that are so very pleasant...=0)
As of last weekend, Lee has raked, seeded, covered with top soil, and watered frequently our so called front lawn. Now let's see if we can grow any grass! Unfortunately with buying a foreclosure home, you have start off from scratch with yards. The houses tend to sit empty for months at a time, with no water, weed control, etc. and so, we decided it might be a good idea not to be a huge eyesore in a neighborhood of well-kept houses and manicured yards!
Drake and I went to the doctor this week for a follow up appointment and were able to get a definite diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, as well as, moderate A.D.H.D. So what now? I'm not sure actually. I have quite a bit of information from his pediatrician to sift through, but it will great to give this info the school. This way they can make sure he gets set up to go to intermediate school next year (yikes!) and be accommodated so, that he can learn.
Lee still has no definite diagnosis as of yet. They still think it might be one of two different types of a blood disorder (they both have long names and when I can get them specifically, I'll share). One of them can bring triggered by long term bleeding, such as Celiac's. For now the doctors have him on B12 supplements, vitamin K, chlorophyll, and a couple of others. He is also somewhat anemic and is going to start a iron supplement. They are still monitoring his blood and are hoping the supplements help. He is still worried, but I think I've mostly convinced him to just do as the doctor's suggest and worry about it when we know what we are worrying about. It just doesn't do any good otherwise.
I started a new position this week with the my work (sorry, it totally does not deserve a plug!), I am the F.S.M. at #261 or Food Service Manager for those of not familiar with my work's (sorry, it still doesn't deserve a plug) lingo. I make crappy food, I sell crappy food, I try to convince you to buy crappy food, I order more crappy food, I spend the majority of my day in solitude making crappy food, I got a dollar raise, so that's good right?! Ha! =0) It keeps me busy and out of trouble so what more could a girl ask for, right? =0P:.
I'll continue to let Spring do its thing and grow and blossom anew. So long for now winter, I bid you adieu...past now are dark days with frost covered nights. Sunshine cometh forth with your life giving light. Warmth glowing now, envelope me tight...=0)

And So I Regret..

Now it's pretty bad when Mom calls to ask how things are because you haven't blogged in a couple of weeks! I really haven't been able to help it though...If you read my post about being so extremely busy, then you would be shocked at how much more we could stuff in a couple of weeks! I'm not going to bore you with details, but I will post some pics and highlights in my next post.
I've received a bit of a shock this week, my boss was fired unexpectedly. It's a shame that a company can be more concerned about their bottom line, then the loyalty and hard work of an individual that has been with the company 10+ years. I'm not going to go into detail (it makes me really mad), but I will definitely keep my guard up in my future. We are all friends and it's going to be hard to be there without her.
Lee has had some serious problems with extreme high blood pressure, even with healthy eating (especially with the celiac's), regular exercise, and what-not. He has had a series of blood tests done the last couple of weeks and they put him on an anti-anxiety medication and his doctor has decided it is one of a couple of things. Neither of which are ideal, but both are treatable. I'll blog more about this when we are able to nail down an actual diagnosis. He's been quite stressed and I've been worried...I'm sure it will be alright though, I mean what else can you do except deal?
Here's why I titled this post as such...
Every so often I feel regret. I regret the choices I've made, I regret the actions that have placed me in the very place I am with no way to turn around. I regret how I've acted towards others, I regret how acted towards myself. I can hear the voice of my Mom echoing in my ears, "you can never go back, what's in the past stays in the past..." It doesn't stop me from wishing I had done some things very differently. I really don' feel this way very often, mostly when I go home to Page... I think that's why I don't go home very often. It's hard to be faced with your past and be fully aware that you messed up and messed up big. My parents are awesome, they support me and my decisions, they don't pressure me, and love me unconditionally. I couldn't ask for better parents, hands down...I hate to think that I messed up along the line and disappointed them in any way.
Here's what I wish...
I wish I hadn't met my now ex-husband. I wish I hadn't dated him, I wish I hadn't married him. I wish that I didn't have to ever think about him again, I can't do it though. I wish he was here, if only for the sake of our kids. I wish I had a family, a normal, boring, Mom, Dad, kids, house, dog family. I wish I didn't have to explain myself or Lee and I's relationship ever, I do though. I wish I had a husband, I wish I could have another child with my husband who has no children of his own. I wish I didn't have to think about any of this and I wish I didn't have to cry alone.
Here's what I don't regret...
My kids. I love them more than life itself, however they came to me. My expereinces. The easy and the difficult, they are what makes me, me. Myself. Messed up in thinking, mistake maker extraordinaire. I love deeply and judge not what others are, do, or what they may think of me. Life. I don't regret having lived it and I don't regret who I am. Life is hard, life runs you down. Life doesn't play fair, life goes on. Life goes on whether you get up and play or whether you sit on the sidelines and watch it go by.
I regret some things, I wish for simplicity, I don't regret myself. I haven't the answers, I may not find them ever, but I love my family and those near to my heart and sometimes that's all you need.=0)

Mom's brag time...

Here's my not so little girl...


It's so amazing to me to think that just yesterday I was carrying Adree on my hip and holding Drake by the hand and I blinked... Nine years later my little girl is in the 4th grade, has oodles of friends and activities and isn't so little anymore! I try not to brag too much about my kids, I think they are awesome good kids, but I am definitely biased! =0) I can't help it this time though! Adree and her choir group had the opportunity to travel to Salt Lake City to the capital and perform! Their school has quite the comprehensive music program, they learn violin, drums, xylophone, Drake and Adree are reading music! Drake will be able to start out in intermediate orchestra next year at Intermediate school (6th and 7th grades)! The program is in danger of losing funding next year and the choir group traveled to the capital to show the law makers what they are learning to do and why it's so very important they maintain their funds. There was even a short article about it in the Deseret News:

Desert News - Drumming up support for the arts
February 16, 2010
Students from Dixie Sun Elementary School in St. George play tubano drums in the Capitol rotunda during the legislative session in Salt Lake City on Tuesday. The fourth- and fifth-graders also played violins and sang in the House of Representatives. The school takes part in the Beverley Taylor Sorenson Arts Learning Program.


I love it! I know that they will just continue to have more activities and friends and interests as they grow into young adults *sniff*=0) Okay, enough with the bragging...but, hey you have to admit that is pretty darn cool! =0)

So totally beyond busy...

Happy Valentine's!
So long to the Kwooza...

It's been a phenomenally busy week thus far! I say thus far, meaning since I asked for my birthday off, (Sunday) I have the illustrious pleasure of working on Saturday too, blech! The kids and I went to Page over the weekend to attend Cara's baby shower (which was super fun BTW...) and since I lost a weekend being gone I have yet to catch back up since! I worked everyday up to today (Hooray for days off! even if it is only one...) and the kids have had multiple activities and things to do besides.
Monday wasn't too bad, aside from taking Drake to school early for Safety Patrol and then coming right home to go with Lee to rescue the PT Cruiser from the shop (where it had been for the better part of 2 weeks) so that it was at home to be viewed by people interested in buying it from KSL and/or Craig's list. I then, went to work until 5 and got home to attempt to find something for dinner and catch up on laundry, ha! =0)Lee and I stayed up late to watch a movie (since I missed him over the weekend) and the day that began at 7am finally ended around midnight, sheesh! =0)
Tuesday I had to work at 10 after taking Adree to school at 8 for choir practice and taking Drake at 8:35 for Safety Patrol and Seth sat in the car until 8:50. *sigh* I worked until just after 4 and got home with the kids only to discover Seth hadn't bothered to do his homework for like 2 weeks! Seth and I sat trying to catch up on it for over an hour, (joy!) while I tried to get another load of laundry done and then made dinner. During the day Lee sold the "Kwooza", Snoopy decals and all, to a couple that had seen it on Craig's list. They had been saving for almost 4 years to get a better car and I hope they enjoy the PT Cruiser, it's fun to drive, just somewhat impractical for our means anymore...Aside from major engine failure, they should be good with it 'cuz like all the parts are new! LOL! =0)
Wednesday I took Adree to school at 8 again for choir practice and Drake to Safety Patrol at 8:35 and again waited with Seth until 8:50 ( I can't let him go any earlier, he tends to get into mischeif...hmmm...). I worked at 10 again and wasn't able to get away from work until after 4 again. I picked up the kids from Daycare and went to Ross and Target to get a present and a card for G'ma Brenda (her b-day was Thurs.). Wow, we didn't get done with that until after 6:30! Of we had to get Valentine's cards and things for the house too...=0) After picking up Wendy's for dinner and stopping at Albertsons on the way home it was well after 7 when we got home for the day. The kids finished their homework I completed another load of laundry, somehow... and put them to bed. Lee worked on the computer for a little while and we sat down to watch TV about 9:30, where I promptly fell asleep! And I stayed that way for about an hour, before I got up, announced I was going to bed and I don't recall anything else until the alarm went off at 7 the next morning!=0)
Thursday...dun, dun. dun!=0) Only had to take Drake early, hooray! =0) I sat in the car with Seth and Adree until 8:50, before booting them out to go home and be ready to be at work at 10. I opted to skip breakfast for the time being so I actually had time to wash my hair, is that bad? =0) Took breakfast with me to work, worked until after 4 and picked up the kids to go home. We got homework done, Valentine's signed and Adree changed and her hair curled all in about an hour to make it to Adree's choir concert at 6! =0) (sorry no pictures...) They sang until just after 7 and Lee and I loaded them up to race across town to get Drake and Adree to their 4H activity/meeting that started at 7!=0) Lee, Seth and I wandered around Walgreen's for 40 minutes and when back to pick up kids and order pizza on to pick up on the way home. Finally at 8:30 last night, you would have found us eating dinner and the kids went to bed at 9. I put the kids to bed and Lee had a bunch of work to do on the computer and I put on pj's and crawled in to bed to watch TV. Lee came and kissed me goodnight at 10:15 and I don't remember anything else until the alarm went off at 7...=0)
As for Friday, my one day off, I will have washed at least 4 loads of laundry by day's end, carted kids home and Adree to an activity. I have to brave Wal-Mart and color my hair today too...*sigh* I should probably clean something too, seeing as though I get to work all day tomorrow. Lee actually said to me the other day, "You only have to work 6 hours and then you're done." What?! done? I'm a working Mom, my day starts at 7 and I lucky if it ends by 10! And time to myself?...does a 10 minute shower count? =0)

You can never go home...

I spent the weekend at my parents home in Page, along with my three kids and my sister, her husband and their three kids. Throw in my parents and their three rowdy beagles and we had quite the house full! It was fun to spend time together and reminisce about how things were and how things have changed.
I'm sure you have heard the saying about how "you can never go home again...", talking about home as you remember it as a child and not how you see it through adult eyes. We drove through part of the town and it's apparent that the economic situation has gotten the better of a lot of people. Neighborhoods that had mostly nice, well kept homes are looking sad with just a few well kept houses. Neighborhoods we walked through on a daily basis as children, that I wouldn't even walk through myself now. My parents house has changed very little in the 13 years since I lived there full time, aside from a recent face lift (see picture above). They have slowly updated various rooms as they have emptied out their nest, but the feeling of home remains the same. I sleep uninterrupted amidst familiar sounds and smells with a familiar feeling of warmth and love and acceptance. My parents are getting ready to retire here soon and will be moving from our dear Page, which will be strange to think I won't have my childhood home to return to soon.
I pondered things as I drove home this afternoon, alone with my thoughts and surronded by the beauty of a rain-soaked landscape. (The kids enetertained themselves with a DVD and headphones) It made me think of how where we are from weaves itself through the very fabric of our makeup. I'm made up of towering buttes and pink sand and sage, of endless blue and skies ablaze. I'm made up of dust devils and rain while the sun shines bright, of breath taking views and crisp starry nights. The rush of the Colorado River runs through my veins, the sun, the Lake, the breeze wraps 'round me to take. I've left and moved on, I've ran far away and still home you do make.
Whoever said "you can never go home again..." was right in a sense, things may change and people move on and things may never seem the same. Where you came from is what makes you well, you! I'm a small town girl who left the small town, the small town never just never left me. Deep roots in the southwest under vast skies and endless sand, simple living, and child-hood memories envelope my being. I left home, home never left me. =0)

I'm not cool...

Shocker, yes I know, but true none-the-less. I'm not concerned with the latest trends in fashion or what is "in" on the political scene. I'm much happier with dressing in what I like and what looks good on me than what everyone else seems to be wearing. Even if my wardrobe consists of men's sweaters and converse sneakers, with the ugliest socks you've ever seen...and it's a rare day that you'll find me without some bright color on as well. Obama, love him or hate him or follow the advice of your church leaders and support him...it makes no difference to me. My concern is for my family who I draw close to me and prepare for times rougher than today's, not in yelling louder than the opposition's leaders.
I don't have great things to say and no one admires my wit, but I remain happy in my skin and laugh the loudest at my own jokes. I'm happy with life in general and I really am overly opinionated on many subjects. I just have learned over the years that it's only worth making your opinions known if you want to hear everyone else yell theirs back to try to change yours. I have found over the years that I have a tendency to be quite cynical. I have had a few rough years to wade through and emerged relatively unscathed...other than not much shocks me any more! I don't live a sheltered life myself, but try to keep my kids sheltered. I don't want them growing up knowing that there is a lot of bad in the world and to be afraid of their own shadows...I try very hard to let them be kids and imagine and play and when something happens that they question, I am honest with them. I never want any of them to grow up thinking, why didn't Mom tell me this? I want them to be independent and able to fend for themselves.
I laugh at myself daily and I'm not concerned with general public's opinion of me. I'm a klutz and I'm quirky, I make messes and I think strange things are funny. As a child I was always so concerned with whether or not people liked me and I was always so afraid I would mess up someplace. So much in fact that I really let those things hold me back and missed out on just having fun, not anymore. I'm not perfect, I will never be...you can take me or leave me, I'll just remain to be me.
So, I'm not cool...I don't wish to be. I'm the converse wearing, glasses faced, freckly, bright colors loving, opinionated, well-read, Mom driving the mini-van with the snoopy decals. The same Mom who loves her kids and wishes them to be the very best adults possible so they can make a difference in the world. Of course in the meantime, I'll be watching them making a boat out of a cardboard box in the yard as they imagine a vast sea full of pirates and white-capped waves lapping at the oar made out of a broom...before jumping on to the trampoline to make their escape. =0)

Boing...Boing....Boing...=0)

Adree and Seth jumping...=0)
Of course, since Lee put the majority of it together he had to be sure to jump first!
Sethee and Mom jumped while Adree laughed...=0)

As you can see the before mentioned Christmas present, finally made its way out of the box and into the yard!=0) After the kids bugging Lee for many weekends to put their trampoline together, he finally complied Sunday and got to work! =0) Christmas was mega-busy, I worked, had company, celebrated Seth's birthday and then it was cold and soggy and we're still working on cleaning out the condo....So, as you can tell we've not really had the opportunity to put it up! =0) What great fun though! Cara, Sterling and I spent hours and hours taking turns on our trampoline, camping out on it, getting it wet so it would be super springy, pushing it up to the dining room window so we could jump out of the window on to it...ha! =0) Having our own house with our own yard has made many things possible! =0) Adree and Seth jumped on it until well after dark and Mom insisted that they come back in.=0) It is a good thing they jumped on it for a really long time that night because the weather has been very damp the last few days and promises to stay this way the rest of the week...=0) I'm looking forward to watching my kids grow up here in our new house, yard, town, and opportunity! =0) Growing and bouncing along....Boing....Boing....Boing...=0)